I wonder if Jews had the same fear of God growing up that I did. I mean, they served the God of Israel… the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. A jealous God that wiped out nations and organized natural disasters. It wouldn’t seem anyone needed instruction to fear God. Who wouldn’t?
However, hell hath no fury like the passion and fervor of a screaming conservative baptist preacher. The holier-than-thou mannerisms and confident warnings of fire and brimstone. The horrifyingly narrow minded axiom of “turn or burn”. It’s enough to make you drop to your knees and beg repentance.
I miraculously “turned” at the age of six, repenting my sins of childhood spasticity, bad school behavior and eating way too much sugar. I had clearly been on the road to hell.
For the next 20 years, my parents (or parent), followed this Biblical rule:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6
I can’t say I’ve not departed from the “way I should go”, I just know I was taught rules the Jewish God may have never even considered.
Lucky Jews.
1. Rock Music is of the Devil, Even if it’s Christian
I was the most despised kid in my church by the parents of other kids in the youth group. Not to boast, but I was a pretty influential character in the lives of my fellow young Christians. It was tough back then. I was trying to find a balance between living the typical Baptist Christian life and not looking like a boring loser who only listened to southern gospel music.
Then I discovered Christian rock music.
Sounds like an oxymoron, yet I was ecstatic. I bought a sampler with all the latest, hot Christian rock tunes. It was called Seltzer: Modern Rock To Settle Your Soul and I loved it. It introduced me to such musical talents as: Jars of Clay, Plank Eye, The Supertones and, you can’t forget, DC Talk of the famed Jesus Freak.
I was so happy that I could have “cool” music and still be a Christian. However, my elders disagreed and were constantly condemning me for not listening to “true” Christian music, which apparently consisted only of hymns and southern gospel. Since rock music’s supposed root is evil, there’s no way Christian music could use “fleshly” music.
I listened to it anyway, and, I suppose they were right in the end. Though the music didn’t lead me away from my Christian belief, here I am, a non-believer. Damn that DC Talk:
2. The King James Bible is the Only True Bible
This was a tough one. I loved reading the Bible, and I even loved reading, specifically, the King James Version Bible. It was a beautiful, classic book to read. However, when I decided I wanted to read a different version, I was condemned for not reading the “true” version of the Bible. I have no authority in Biblical scholarship, but I never understood this concept. If every Christian should be reading the true version of the Bible, shouldn’t they all learn to read Greek and Hebrew?
3. Profanity is Wrong
I could insert unnecessary profanity here, but I digress, before… whatever the opposite of digress is. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that profanity may or may not be something that should be used in front of children, but I never understood the extreme focus and the overt punishment upon uttering even the slightest resemblance of a curse word. I’m not saying anyone should condone foul language, but the pressure put on me to not use profanity really just pushed me to use it all the more. I did love my excuses when certain words did slip, though, such as, “the word piss is in the Bible, Dad and so is ass…”
4. Girls Can’t Wear Pants
There was a church in the town I grew up in that had a sign in the vestibule. I can’t remember exactly what it said, but it was something along the lines of, if you’re a woman and you’re wearing pants, you can’t come in here. Of course, women couldn’t do much in the conservative Baptist church. They weren’t supposed to teach, or hold any type of leadership roles and they were even supposed to remain silent in the churches. It seems like they’d be more worried about men wearing dresses, but, I suppose that was never an issue in the church (the churches I attended, anyway).
5. Catholics are Going to Hell
For the longest time, I didn’t even know Catholics were a Christian denomination. I seriously believe they were a pagan religion. It’s still a foreign idea to me to think of Catholics as Christians. I’m not saying that to be offensive or to say they’re not, it’s just that I was passionately taught that Catholicism was wrong. Their belief in baptism was wrong, their belief in communion was wrong, even their belief in the afterlife (purgatory) was wrong. I was taught that they got it wrong and they were going to hell. When I was struggling with doubt, but still a Christian, I became very interested in Catholicism. At the time, I was reading a lot of C.S. Lewis, who was not a Catholic, but still held some Catholic beliefs. I remember reading a book called Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic. It answered all my questions about Catholicism from a Baptist point of view. When I tried to engage in conversation with my Baptist brothers about it, guess what happened?
6. There is an “Age of Accountability” That Determines Your Soul’s Fate
Where to babies go when they die? Well, Heaven of course. That was the answer I got, because, as a Baptist, I had an “age of accountability”. This is the age when I realize I’m a sinner. I’m not real sure if this view is held anymore by many Christians. I know Calvinists believe everyone is predestined either to Heaven or Hell, so they do believe some babies go to hell. Though ridiculous, I do suppose it’s fair. We all learn at our own pace…
7. The Earth is Only 6,000 Years Old
I know this is a heated debate, and it’s not one I want to engage in. I don’t want a Creationist vs. Evolutionist debate going on here. I may not believe the earth is 6,000 years old, but it doesn’t mean I don’t believe that it wasn’t created. It may have been, it may have not been. Of course, no one will ever really know. And I know it just sounds like hypocrisy to say that I believe a scientist over the Bible, because it could be said that I have faith in the scientist without having the facts. I suppose the only difference is that I believe the facts are there and are more evident of an earth that is much older.
In writing this, I feel a bit of nostalgia. While I do think these were ridiculous things taught to me growing up, I think it was more ridiculous that they were taught to me as absolute facts. I feel as though I should have had more options or at least some room to try and decide for myself. I am not bitter about the condemnations, nor is this a diatribe on the beliefs of the Baptist church. My experience in the Baptist church wasn’t all bad, these were just aspects of it that stood out for me as being unnecessary. Looking back, what I would’ve really appreciated was practical advice on how to live a more fulfilling life. I just can’t see why not listening to Christian rock would’ve made me a better Christian, or, more important to me now, a better person.
Anyways, why would anyone not want me to listen to this:
Nicely done, Kenny. Your parent should be proud.
Thank you very much Stephen… but I doubt that parent would be proud of this particular article.
I grew up in an Evangelical Christian home. (Trinity Pentecostal, attended a Oneness Pentecostal church sponsored school) And despite the best efforts of said Holy Roller church school teachers, I turned out a major Metal Head. Yes, actually, I credit the school’s female principle for introducing me to Motley Crue in 1984! They had put up this whole board with “Devil Worshipers” and a picture of the Crue and it piqued my interest.
So, perhaps, by their perspective, the “devil” had won, but dammit, THEY brought it all to my innocent attention lol! I loved(still do) Heavy Metal bands but mostly I am nostalgic for the ’80′s NewRo/NewWave sounds these days. And yes, I listened to Stryper, right along side Motley Crue, Guns-n-Roses, and every other Metal act out there at the time lol.
Of course, I also enjoyed REAL Rap back in the day, a genre which only gives me a migraine these days since its nothing like it was back in the ’80′s. (Anyone remember ‘Push It’ by Salt-n-Pepa?) I just wanted to weigh on this really great post you made.
You spoke about females not wearing pants, and the Oneness Pentecostals go even further in some areas. Thanks to cherry picking, there was a church where no one wore ANY jewelry, not even the married people! (We girls got away with culottes but only for modesty’s sake and by calling them split skirts lol) That’s right, NO wedding bands, for wearing jewelry was a vanity. *eye roll*
Another of the churches was so focused on the Have’s that they had run out a few families who were less affluent than most of the others. It was all about marrying the right guy,(monied. Either by his family or his own hard working hands)wearing the right dresses, having the perfectly done up bang poof, and driving the best car you could afford. Oh, and of course, coming to every service, twice on Sundays just so everyone else can admire how ‘holy’ you were. (by bang poof I’m talking about back combing bangs into a pouf/poof. The bigger the pouf, the more money you had, the holier you were apparently.)
Hey Marie,
What’s funny is, I was raised to believe even the Pentecostals were wrong. Speaking in tongues wasn’t acceptable, dancing… all that stuff was “wrong”.
I got into punk a lot when first listening to Christian music. MxPx, Ghoti Hook, Value Pac. Fun stuff. I did eventually get into metal with bands like Training for Utopia, Living Sacrifice, and, of course, Zao.
8. Dancing Leads To Sex. No explanation necessary.
kenny, are you talking about ‘our’ church…bc i never was taught the KJV was the only right form of the bible…and yeah, old people didnt like alternative forms of Christian music…but they just deal with it…they are old and set in their ways…they are like that in any denomimation…my parents didnt like it either, until they listened to it. and our preacher was never the “screaming or holier-than-thou” type. we were allowed to wear pants, they just didnt want our bra straps showing in church…cant fault them there. and i was never told catholics were going to hell. a Christian is a Christian. so, i was just curious if you were talking about ETBC?
and dont you remember gary dancing at spruce pines to the supertones or five iron…that was hilarious!
I remember it well…
Hey Justa,
No, I’m not talking about ETBC. I’m referring to churches I attended before then. Though ETBC didn’t teach KJV only, that’s what I was taught personally. I am, in no way, trying to offend and I apologize if I did. And, believe me, I remember the bra strap issue.
You say a Christian is a Christian, and I do understand what you mean on certain level. But there are so many different doctrines, so many different denominations and so many interpretations of the Bible that sometimes I think a Christian is a Baptist, or a Christian is a Catholic, or a Christian is a Fundamentalist. It’s something I struggled with for years, and I just got to a point where I didn’t believe any of it. It wasn’t overnight, believe me, it was a painful and somewhat lonely struggle…
Most of the time my church falls under the “We’re as liberal as you can get while still being Southern Baptist banner!” but every one in awhile some backwardness will sneak up an surprise me.
There is this one church in my town though… hoo boy. This is my all time favorite quote from their sign:
“How is HIV like the NIV? One kills your body, the other kills your soul.”
There was this one time that I went to revival at another local church and the visiting pastor said that boys with long hair would be hunted and killed by giant scorpians when the Rapture comes. No joke.
Excellent contribution Tobey. I forgot all about Fundamentalist’s beef with boys with long hair. I’m thinking that would make for a bad ass movie… giant scorpions chasing long haired dudes. Hopefully Kirk Cameron would not be in it.
Not sure you represented the Calvinists right, but everything else is good. A little background, five years ago, I was ordained as a “Southern Baptist preacher.” I am no longer a part of the Southern Baptist Church. I committed the “sin” of having married a “divorced woman” 35 years ago. They deduced from that that I am unqualified to preach because of the “husband of one wife” clause. Go figure.
While I do not struggle with Christianity, I reject the form of legalism that masquerades as Christianity. The seven things you take exception with, I believe Jesus also takes exception with. In Galatians, Paul would describe those seven rules as a distorted gospel, contrary to the gospel he preached. He went on to say about those who teach legalistic rule keeping, “let them be accursed,” which was another way of saying excommunicated. Later, he added that those who try to achieve righteousness by following rules have severed themselves from Christ and have “fallen from grace.” Most use the term “fallen from grace,” to refer to someone who has fallen into sin, but the Bible uses it to refer to those following the distorted gospel of legalism.
Those who teach legalism for Christianity are akin to the Pharisees, about whom Jesus said, “for you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness.”
It seems to me that your problem is not with truth, but with a distorted gospel that is wearing a Christian mask. Keep searching. I appreciate your honesty. You are closer to the truth than the “holy ones” who taught you a distorted gospel. It is they who have “fallen from grace.”
If I sound a little angry, I am. I am angry with preachers and churches that distort what God has done by teaching ridiculous rules as the way of being pleasing to God.
“While I do not struggle with Christianity, I reject the form of legalism that masquerades as Christianity.” Amen and selah! That perfectly sums up the direction that I’ve headed for a long time.
Hey Dana, thanks so much for your comment and thank you for your honesty. You’re right about my summing up of Calvinism in a sentence. I appreciate your attention to detail.
My problems with Christianity go way deeper than these 7 rules. These were merely 7 things that stood out in my mind from when I was young and on up into my early twenties when I was trying hard to be a passionate Christian. I will, absolutely keep searching, until the day I die. I believe it’s my purpose in life.
Thanks again, hope to see you around here in the comments more often.
P.S. Ridiculous thing number 9: Being unqualified to preach for marrying a divorced woman.
Kenny, I believe that honest inquiry, sincere seeking and the exercise of a sound mind are good in God’s eyes. However; a weak faith or a distorted mind (through believing a distorted gospel) is sometimes intimidated by a sincere seeker. Keep up the search.
“Then the brethren immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea. When they arrived, they went into the synagogue of the Jews. These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all eagerness, and examined the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.”
Whuddup Cuz! Interesting article…I’m so glad you mentioned the David Currie book. I remember back when you were reading it but now I bet it would be really cool to read since Jenny is Catholic and I am more Baptistish.
Also, I am one of those people that still believe in “age of accountability” Holla!
Yeaux Kenny! I SO appreciate your honest, cogent, well-spoken and challenging words. You are not alone one the landscape (or might I say the battlefield) of post modern Christianity. As one of the generation responsible for your wounds, may I be one to apologize for giving you a sick caricature of God… created in OUR image. My prayer is for you (and I, for that matter!) to encounter the true God in the Person of His Beloved Son; namely, Jesus Christ. The One who loves just the way you are, not the way you should be.
Kenny,
I appreciate your post and your struggle. I love you and am praying for you bruhhhh! First time we meet: Brook spit out his gum you picked it up, chewed it then swallowed!!! lol
If you ever want to talk just call. The Truth will set you free………..
Jamie
One time I visited a church out in the middle of no where when I was with my Scout Master in Boy Scouts several years ago. The pastor was screaming everything he said. He threw his watch across the room. He got really sweaty as well and violently ripped his Jacket off to reveal his button down shirt to be drenched. The most ridiculous thing that happened might have been when he started stuttering in his preaching and he referred that stutter as the “devil trying to keep him from delivering his message to all Christians.” Most of the people believed him and played along by yelling to the heavens for God to come down and stop the devil from causing his stutter. The preacher stopped stuttering near the end. I guess that means it really was the devil right?
The funny thing is the bible never teaches any of the things that you learned in this conservative Baptist Church, and I think Jesus would agree with more of this post than He’d disagree with. Its too bad your church preached more about Rock music pants and other stupid crap than it did about the message of the gospel. The bible actually calls all of this “works of the flesh”, I wonder how these conservative baptist would feel knowing that they were promoting works of the flesh? Anyway, the bible doesn’t try to seperate good guys and bad guys based on all of this silly man-made criteria, the message is that we are at the same time more guilty than we could have ever feared, but more loved than we could have ever dared to imagine. Jesus died for me…even an ordained pastor like me who likes Tool, wears jeans to church, and refuses to ever own a King James Bible.
Hey there – please email me back! I absolutely love your thinking and am in the process of launching/continuing your conversation. God really hit me with the phrase born again again in the spring and I’d love to help you continue with this concept!
Give me an email and I’ll get right back at ya’!
I have grown up in conservative Southern Baptist churches and the one I am truly sick of hearing about is the “Catholics Are Going to Hell” sermon. Of course these days, they love to talk about the hellbound-ness of Muslims. I completed a U.S. Army tour of duty in Iraq and I came home realizing the world is so much bigger than the space around a pulpit where fundamentalist preachers decide who is going to heaven or hell. I also realized that the Southern Baptist church is really just a reflection of local southern culture and politics, and it’s sometimes hard to know what is actually Biblical anymore. I won’t say I think everyone is going to Heaven, but I will not sit and listen to some preachers declare that whole denominations, or even religions, are all going to hell.